Sunday, August 21, 2016
Monday, August 15, 2016
Monday, July 18, 2016
So i missed the chance to teach abroad. It was upsetting but shit happens moving forward, I've decided to get my teaching certification for the state of Texas. I'm putting money together for that. Well really I'm applying to raise my credit limit. Not a huge deal since I only have two cards and one is empty.
I recently went to visit my family! FUCK YEAH! It was so much fun. I hadn't seen the family in so long. I was even able to see my grandfather which was also nice. Of course there was a small amount of weird since it had been so long since we'd seen each other. I don't think he felt odd, he just seemed happy to see me. I felt it though. There was a ting of guilt and some fear. It had been a long time.
Currently I'm ripping my hair out about how much I detest my job. It's not the company by any means. The company has some really great fair policies. It's the people I have to work for. They are...words I don't want to use on a public blog. Maybe if/when I manage to quit or hey! get fired. Which ever happens first. i just need to get out of there. I've been checking the job boards to try and stay within the company but it's not happening. I'm going to have to look elsewhere. At this point I don't care. I don't want to work with these people or this building. It stresses me out. Every morning the thought of a car accident seems more comforting than going into work. Terrible, I know.
Eventually I'll find something else.
Wednesday, April 20, 2016
I think it would be a great experience even if I only did it the one time. I've never been out of the country and I've only been to 4 states... so I haven't had the opportunity to travel much. At least if I did I didn't take them or realize they were there. So I really want to pounce on this one. ASAP. Just you know normal fear. What if I hate it. What if I get hurt. What if things are different when I get back. I feel like 5 months isn't that long of a time for things here to change unless someone wanted them to change. That could also just be my paranoia....Fuck. Fuckity balls! Fuckity fuck fuck! Shit bags. :< Is it terrible that right now I know for a fact I want a future with syd in it? I understand that a lot of that are the chemicals in my brain.... that doesn't make it any less true. i just know that I'm 26 years old and have 0 idea what I'm doing with my life. Besides working in a call center hating every minute of my day....Shit
Tuesday, April 19, 2016
I have become obsessed with Lipstick! It's very fun and really doesn't require a lot of work to apply but it makes a huge difference on my face! The brand in this picture is called BeautyBakerie! The price is good and it last all fucking day! Good shit right there!!
Thursday, April 14, 2016
I was pregnant, but not just pregnant. About to burst with a child. I had no idea and the dream started with my water breaking. I was ready to cry and jump in front of a moving truck. It was just terrible. Some how my family, that lives in Florida, we at my bed side. My mother and my sister are there cheering me on while I scream at Sydney for fucking everything up!!! "We can't move around now. Life is going to suck." It was bad. All the while he's just saying sorry holding my hand while I screamed at him.
Ugh, it was just super stressful
Doctor and nurses are coming in and out of the room while I'm still scream at syd how he ruined my life and my mom and sister are beside themselves with joy. Syd seemed indifferent to the actual child being born and just more trying to help me through the situation. I actually think this is how he would handle if we actually did have a child. Fuck the baby, hows my wife doing? I'm pretty sure if there were complications and Syd had to choose the baby would lose out. Considering neither of us have any interest in a child it will never come up!
Back to the thing: My sister and my mother are cheering me on while I do those weird breathing exercises. I'm crying and yelling and Syd holding my blue hair. Ugh. It was horrible.
So half way through the thing, the birthing thing, the doctor comes in and says we have to switch rooms!!!! So we are all settled into this room and we have to leave it. By that point I had woken up. I felt like I was drenched in sweat.
Syd actually woke me up because I have to leave for work at 11 and it was 10-1030.